When do you choose and when do you lose? Dain was exploring this topic on the Access Consciousness show on Voice America recently. For one listener, choosing to have a relationship — even after using the Access light/heavy tool* — usually meant losing her independent lifestyle. Is it possible to have a relationship that’s fun and still have your own life?

“What we’ve learned to do in relationship is go for the exact person who can give us everything we don’t want,” Dain explained. “We would rather prove that we’re unsuccessful in relationship than that we can have anything we want.”

If you modelled your relationship on somebody who didn’t have a good relationship, didn’t want a good relationship, or didn’t like the other person, you could end up doing the same thing — even though you vowed to do better!

Most people also use refined judgements to create relationships. Refined judgements are energies we carry around that determine how we view the world; what we can choose and what we can’t choose; what we can have and what we can’t have.

“We have this idea that our refined judgement is our awareness — it’s not! It’s refined judgement,” Dain said. “Because you’ve decided that’s your awareness, you don’t realize that you’re judging the whole time.”

If you keep trying to create a particular type of relationship but getting nowhere, look at what you’re afraid to lose if you do succeed. Here’s a tool for more awareness, ask…

What is it you’ve decided you’d have to lose if you were truly successful in creating everything it is you say you desire to choose?

For more great tools on creating a relationship that truly works for you, including how to end the energetic cycle of abuse, listen to this information-rich episode in full.

Gary & Dain host a regular show on Voice America every Thursday at 2pm Pacific.

What would your life be like if you chose to get the clearings and recorded processes from the Access Consciousness show on Voice America? It’s only $10 a month to become a member of Pearls of Possibilities which gives you access to all clearings. The more you say or play them, the deeper the clearings go and the more freedom you get.

*The Access Light/Heavy tool is based on the awareness that what’s true for you makes you feel lighter. If something makes you feel heavy, that’s usually a lie. For more on that tool, watch the video below.