In order to have a great relationship, it must be something that you’re choosing, not something that you have decided that you have to have. Gary Douglas says: “ It’s all about choice, get clear on if you really want a relationship, and if so, what works for you and what works for the other person.”
This society tells us that we are losers if we don’t have a relationship, yet that propels many people into being in bad relationships, just to be in one. Please be clear with yourself. Do you actually desire to have a relationship? If so, this article will give you some great tips and information. And here’s something that might not have occurred to you: Even if you do not desire to have a relationship with another being at this time, you can choose to apply these tips and have a great relationship with yourself!
Gary presents a platform that forms the basis of great relationships. Here are some qualities to look for when considering a partner:
1. They should be good in bed. What defines “good” differs for each person. Get clear on what that means to you, and you can stay away from the “sex by numbers” – rub here three times, kiss that six times, etc.
2. They should provide money or some other form of energy that helps your life. Gary says: It’s not about an exchange, but a contribution that energetically they are.”
3. They should be willing to let you do whatever you want, and you should be willing to let them do whatever they want. OK – maybe you’re a control freak and that brings up a lot of issues for you. Have you created difficulties in the past by trying to control your partner? Here’s a very useful clearing form Gary: “What invention are your using to create the upset you are choosing?” Everything that brings up, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and wrong, good and bad, POC and POD, all nine, shorts, boys and beyond. We think that upsets “happen”, but actually we have to create them through our judgments of our partner and what they are or are not doing.
These three elements provide a basis that allows each person to flourish and the relationship to have the flexibility to be in a constant state of creation, rather than a rut of predictability.
With the platform in place, you are poised to make many choices in terms of how you behave as well as how you treat yourself and you partner. Access Consciousness has something called The Five Elements Of Intimacy which, if adopted, can contribute enormous expansion, joy and possibilities to your relationship. Gay says: The five elements of intimacy create a great relationship. If you don’t have those, you can’t have a great relationship.”
The first element is HONOR. Gary explains it this way: “To honor is to treat with regard. It is to recognize that they are the gift in your life”. Have you ever not seen your partner as a gift? Many of us see our partners as necessities, as something we own, as something that owes us, as something to fight with, complain to and criticize. How much could your relationship change if you saw your partner as a gift?
The second element is TRUST. From Gary: “ To trust is not to have blind faith, it is the willingness to have the awareness of what they will and won’t do”. If your partner is messy, you can trust that he or she will be messy. If they have a history of shagging lots of people, even while married, you can trust that they will do that. Real trust keeps us from being blindsided and takes away much of the trauma/drama that gets created when we “have faith” that our partner will change to be what we want them to be.
The third element is ALLOWANCE. Allowance is: everything is just an interesting point of view. Allowance is not acceptance. Acceptance requires judgment. You judge that you partner is wrong or bad for being messy, but you decide to “accept” that (along with a good dose of self righteousness). Allowance has no judgment or charge to it. It’s the willingness to be aware of what is without a point of view.
The forth element is VULNERABILITY. From Gary: “To be vulnerable is to not put up any barriers to anyone or anything.” Many people associate vulnerability with weakness, but actually it’s just the opposite. When you are being vulnerable, you’re willing to receive everything without judgment. Putting up barriers to “protect yourself” reflects the conclusion that you are less than, and that you require lots of help to not be damaged or taken advantage of or hurt. Putting up barriers will eventually require you to either fight against someone or something, or to run away. Being vulnerable is key to never cutting off your awareness of who people are, what they are choosing and what’s possible for you. Being vulnerability gives you a myriad of choices beyond fight or flight.
The fifth element is GRATITUDE. From Gary: Gratitude is the greatest source of creation. If you have gratitude for the person you’re in relationship with, your relationship will grow.” Why gratitude instead of love? Many people are looking for or profess to have unconditional love. The difficulty is that unconditional love quickly turns to anger or hate when one person doesn’t do what the other person would like him or her to do. Love always requires judgment. I love you because… I will love you if…I will not love you if…Gratitude exists without judgment. It creates a space where both people can grow and change.
You may have noticed that the idea of no judgment keeps reoccurring. There’s a good reason for that! Judgment is always destructive. It is never creative. Judgment limits you and the person or event you are judging. If there is judgment in your relationship, it will begin to disintegrate. Judgment also cuts off awareness. You can have judgment or awareness, but you cannot have both. Can you imagine yourself in a relationship without judgment? What might that look like? What might be possible if you operated from that space?
One more thing you can do to insure that your relationship continues to expand and doesn’t get stuck in a rut, is to destroy and uncreate it every day. Just say: I destroy and uncreate my relationship with ___________. Right and wrong, good and bad, POC and POD, all nine, shorts, boys and beyonds. (For more information about the clearing statement, please go to: theclearingstatement.com.)
You can’t destroy anything that’s true for you, only the baggage you’ve heaped on the relationship during the past. This gives the relationship a fresh start every day.
Creating a great relationship is truly possible. If you are wiling to create a relationship that incorporates the three elements of the platform and the five elements of intimacy, there is no limit to what you can create! Is now the time to say good by to relationships that don’t work, and create something very different? The choice is yours.