No matter how hard they work at it, most parents judge themselves constantly for not doing enough, for not making their kids happy enough and for not being able to sail through the highs and lows of parenting.
I was no different.
Before my son was born, I read all the books I could find and studied how to become the perfect parent.
It didn’t work.
If I said or did something that wasn’t out of the parenting books, I judged myself for it. Or when I did something by the book and things didn’t turn out the way they were supposed to, then what?
The reality is, there is no perfect system to being a mum or dad. You change every day and so do your kids.
However, if you’re willing to know what you know and use some pragmatic tools, you can be yourself as a parent and empower your kids to be who they choose to be. Doesn’t that sound like more fun than struggle?
I wasn’t always like this. With my son, I thought I could teach him to be everything I was never willing to be. I decided he would be kinder to others, sportier, know more about money etc. than I ever did. However, where did that allow him the choice to be the person he is?
When I recognised what I was doing, I started changing the way I parented and began using some simple tools from Access Consciousness that have taught me a lot about parenting and everything else.
The superpower called choice
Your kids already know how to choose, so do you. Empower them to know that they can choose so they start looking at what every choice they make is creating.
With my son, I didn’t stop him from choosing something. When he complained about certain things, I’d ask him, ‘So, what did that choice create?’ He began recognizing that things didn’t happen to him. He was creating his life even at a tiny age.
Also, when I make not so smart choices, I don’t hide them under the rug. I’ve told my son hundreds of times, ‘Hmmm that was a not so smart choice, it didn’t work. What else can I choose now?’
You’ve got to invite your kids to ask questions—and then shut up. Don’t try and fill them with your answers, let them come to their awareness.
Kids are highly aware of energy. Even when you don’t have words coming out of your mouth, they can hear what’s going on in your world.
When you were a kid, did you walk into a room where people were upset? Most likely, your parents put on a happy face said, ‘Don’t worry, everything’s fine…’ And they dismissed your awareness.
Be energetically honest. If you’re having a bad day say to your kids, ‘I’m having a bad time right now, can I have a moment?’ They already aware of your energy anyway.
The myth of happy kids
I see so many parents who’ve decided their kids need to have constantly happy. This means everything you choose has to match what will make them happy. Does that teach your kids to be aware? Or do you give in to them every moment so they can be happy and you can be miserable?
As a parent, you’ll have moments when you want to walk away and forget you’ve got a kid. You don’t have to pretend to enjoy every moment of parenting. What if you got out of self-judgment and saw the humor in it? The less you take it seriously, the more ease you’ll have with parenting.
Kids are not dumb! They have the ability to control their parents. When a baby cries, don’t they always cry at the perfect pitch to send you running to their side, ready to do whatever they want?
Parents make the mistake of thinking, ‘Kids are sweet little needy creatures…we’ve got to take care of them and do whatever they desire.’
They’re smart. So get smarter than your kids if you want to be happy as a parent.
Who’s the boss?
Now, you probably won’t hear this tool from a parenting expert. One thing that’s going to make your life easier is being a bad parent. As long as you try to be a good parent, you’ve got to judge whether you’re good or bad.
When your kids get annoyed with you for not giving them everything they want, be willing to say, ‘I’m such a bad mother/father. I’m doing the best I can and I know it’s not good enough…’
They’ll say, ‘No, you’re not bad.’
This is how you manipulate your children and get to be the one who’s in control.
Conscious Parents, Conscious Kids is about empowering your kids to be them. It’s not about making them choose to be who you’ve decided they should be but allowing them to be who they are. It’s about showing your kids what their choices create so that they have the awareness of what’s true for them.
– Brendon Watt
If you would like to know more check out Brendon Watt 2 Day Conscious Parents Conscious Kids from Curitiba in the Access Consciousness shop here.