Is It Possible To Let Go Of PTSD: The One Question That Changed My Life
By May Lloyd
“Is it yours?” the facilitator of an Access Consciousness X-Men Class asked me.
It would have been so easy to respond with, “Of course it’s mine! I was sexually abused when I was younger. The PTSD has to be mine!” Yet nothing would have changed had I gone to that conclusion.
Instead, I chose to include my body in this question and it said “No, this PTSD I am holding on to is not mine.” As soon as I acknowledged this, everything changed.
Up until this class, I didn’t realize how much PTSD ran my life.
I lived a life with so much separation of me (and my body) that only the men with familiar energies of unkindness, judgment, and sexual, verbal, emotional and religious abuse, could get remotely close to me.
Sticking To What’s Familiar Keeps You Stuck
Most people are only willing to receive what we are familiar with. Choosing something different requires us to step out of our comfort zone, and this can seem so difficult, especially when PTSD is the dominant factor in your life. So, I got married, had two children, and for 14 years, endured the verbal and emotional abuse because it was “normal” and familiar to me.
The Beginnings Of Change
Four years ago I came across Access Bars. This process started to unravel the abuse I’d experienced earlier in life. It wasn’t an easy time. However, as I continued to have my ‘Bars run’, and used the verbal tools of Access Consciousness, my body changed: the chronic pain went, I lost weight, and there was a new ease and space for me to be.
I have changed my relationship with my kids, changed work, changed my financial situation, changed my points of view about what it means to be strong versus vulnerable, changed my points of view about the abuse I experienced. But I still wasn’t willing to trust men. I was still not willing to start a new sexual relationship since leaving my husband three years previously.
Are You Intensely Aware?
Now, fast forward to the recent X-Men class where Access Consciousness has the point of view that Autism, ADHD, OCD, Bipolar, etc. are not a weakness but a strongness. People on the spectrum of Autism are very aware of other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions and without using the question “Is this yours?” most of us tend to think that what we are aware of is our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, when in truth, 98.99999% of them are not.
Is This Yours?
When the facilitator asked me, “Is this yours?” about the PTSD, I allowed myself to be 5-years-old again and get really present with the fear; a fear that all of a sudden was outside of me. I knew I was in my mother’s world. She knew the abuse was going on and she didn’t know what to do. I was aware of her fear and had tried to help her by trying to take the fear away from her. Of course, I couldn’t do that, only my mother can let go of her own fear.
So how did I let go of the PTSD? I returned the energy of the PTSD to sender (my mother) with consciousness attached. And it dissipated in my world.
I felt like all the weight was lifted from my shoulders.
I am so grateful for the space this has created for me to make choices I would never have made while the PTSD was running my life.
Six weeks after the X-Men class, I entered into a new relationship with a kind and caring man who nurtures my body. Until this class, I thought this to be impossible. The truth is, after I let go of PTSD, this is the first time in my life I have been willing to receive the kindness and no judgment of me and my body.
How does it get any better than this?
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