We’re sort of taught that arguments between two people are an inevitable thing, if those two people are close in any way. But have you ever noticed that arguments only ever happen when both people are certain they are right?
Hearing what the other person is saying, understanding their point of view, listening to what they need, reflecting it back and then trying to do what they’re asking work in the short term, but inevitably the same sorts of conflicts arise again.
Here are five tips in what might be a totally different way of diffusing a potential argument.
Tip One: While that other person is having their moment, put all your barriers down.
Now I get that this goes against all logic. “When facing an onslaught, defend!” Our fight or flight responses are strong.
But the information that might help you here is that everything is just energy. Even when it’s pointedly directed at us. And what putting your barriers down does is let it move right through you. Instead of being the huge log in the stream that the water or energy crashes up against, you’re the rock in the stream that the energy just flows through and around.
Tip Two: Pull energy from the one doing the freaking out.
Pulling energy sounds technically challenging, but in reality it’s just a matter of asking the energy of the universe to pull through that other persons body through your body and out through the back. The more energy you pull from them, the more their freak out will diffuse. Someone pushing energy at you cannot keep doing it if you’re pulling it as well.
As weird as this sounds, the next time your boss get’s all flustered at you, try it! See how his energy changes.
Tip Three: Say to yourself, “Interesting point of view they have this point of view,” to every single thing they’re saying.
Now this is a tool you use in your head, and it’s for you. Because the thing is, there can only be an argument when two people are fighting for the rightness of their point of view! If you are willing to be no-point-of-view, then there is no argument.
Tip Four: If you find yourself getting angry at what the other person is saying, ask yourself: What’s the lie here, spoken or unspoken?
Getting angry at something someone else is doing or saying is an amazing indicator of your awareness working. And 95% of the time, it’s an indicator that a lie is present. This lie could be anything from that person not having faith in themselves, to them withholding information, to anything else in between.
Asking yourself this question will start to give you more space and more awareness about what’s going on underneath all of the blustery words.
Tip Five: Ask yourself, what does this person need to hear?
The thing is, when someone is fighting for the rightness of their point of view, from their point of view they are right. So, when you’re willing to be any energy that will change the situation, something else becomes possible.
If consciousness truly included everything and judged nothing, what could you be here that would change it?
The important thing to remember is that it truly takes two people fighting for how right they are to create an argument.
When you’re willing to become someone who just knows and doesn’t have to defend, a whole different relationship possibility can show up.