If you’ve ever been in a relationship for more than a few days, you probably know that your partner doesn’t always do exactly what you’d like them to. Sometimes they’re wonderful, fun, sexy and amazing and sometimes everything they do is annoying.
What if it were possible to have a sense of joy and ease in your relationship no matter what’s going on? Regardless of what your partner is choosing? What if YOU could choose happiness and the creation of your life at all times and what if your relationship could contribute to that?
Are you willing to have it? Are you willing to have the joy and exuberance of life? Are you willing to have a relationship that’s kind, caring and nurturing to you and your body? No matter what?
Even if it means letting go of everything you’ve decided relationship is?
Even if means letting go of the judgments that you have of you, of your body, of your partner?
Even if it means creating a relationship that is so different from the points of view of this reality that no one else gets it and lots of people judge it?
If you said yes, then here we go!
Here are 3 challenging situations that often cause conflict in relationships and the pragmatic tools to change it.
When My Partner Doesn’t Listen to Me
Have you ever been talking to your partner, maybe about something important, and you can tell they’re not listening? Often, when this occurs, upset follows. “You must not care about me! How could you ignore me?” On and on it can go.
A recent study on listening showed that men literally listen about 7% of the time. That’s it. 7%. So what if that wasn’t wrong? And what if it didn’t mean anything? Would you be willing to let go of the conclusion that your partner should always be attentive to you? Could you choose another point of view?
What if you could actually laugh about it? When I am talking to my partner and he realizes he’s not listening, he says, “7%” and we laugh. And you know what, I find myself doing 7% sometimes too.
A tool from Access Consciousness® that you can use when you have any expectation of you or your partner is: Interesting point of view. Here’s how it works. You notice that you have decided that something should be a particular way. He SHOULD listen. I SHOULD be more patient. Whatever the point of view may be, when you notice it say, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” Say it 3 – 10 times until you feel lighter.
When My Partner is in a Bad Mood
Often, our first response when our partner is choosing crank is to try to fix it. We want to know what’s wrong. We try to make it better. The thing is, when we are trying to fix our partner, we are not allowing them to choose whatever they want to choose.
So the next time your partner is in a bad mood, ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?” If the answer is no, leave them alone. Give them their space. This doesn’t mean that you separate from them. Remain available, let them be and then, YOU continue to choose for YOU.
You can continue to choose happiness. You can continue to create and enjoy your life. You can go for a walk. You can go for a swim. You can do whatever would be fun for you. You don’t have to choose crank just because that’s what they are choosing. And, you don’t have to try to bring them back to happy either. Have allowance for their choice.
When Something in the Relationship Isn’t Working
When some part of your relationship isn’t working, what’s the best way to address it? Many times, talking about it leads to our partner feeling like they are wrong or supposed to fix it.
To turn this around, ask questions! You don’t have to ask these questions with your partner. Just ask for yourself.
Here’s 4 questions from Access Consciousness® that you can use to change anything: “What is this? What can I do with it? Can I change? How can I change it?”
When you ask these questions, don’t look for an answer. Ask the question and perceive the energy. Asking questions takes you out of your conclusions about what’s not working and opens up possibilities.
When we are willing to let go of our points of view about relationship, when we choose to ask questions rather than come to conclusions, when we allow our partner to choose what works for them and continue to choose what works for us – MAGIC HAPPENS!
Blog Post by Simone Milasas, WorldWide Coordinator of Access Consciousness and Founder & Creator of Joy of Business
Listen to SoundCloud clips on Creating a Greater Relationship HERE.