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Intimacy

Breakups Done Differently

August 29, 2016

Have you ever had a breakup that was, well, a disaster? Or maybe you’ve known somebody whose relationship ended and it was devastating and full of drama and trauma. What if something else was possible? What if there was a way to go through a breakup without the pain and suffering? What if, rather than the sadness of it, you could actually look at the possibilities of it?

Way different, I know! There are several points of view that we often hold, that cause our breakups to be significant. As founder of Access Consciousness® Gary Douglas says, “Your point of view creates your reality. Your reality does not create your point of view.”

Would you be willing to consider a different point of view about relationships? Would you be willing to consider a different point of view about the ending of a relationship?

Here are 3 points of view that create a reality of drama and trauma when a relationship ends. Change your point of view, change your reality.

1. I Must Have a Relationship

It’s considered wrong in our reality to not be in relationship. If you are single, you know what I’m talking about! How many people keep trying to set you up with someone? How many conversations do you have where your friends and family want to know if you’ve “found someone”? The point of view is, you “must” have a relationship or there is something wrong with you. What if it’s not true? What if relationship was simply a choice and you could choose to be in one or not; whatever works for you.

Would you be willing to let go of the point of view that you “must” be in a relationship? Would you be willing to choose only that which works for you?

If it’s challenging for you to let go of this point of view, or any point of view for that matter, there’s a great tool from Access Consciousness® that you can use. It’s called, “Interesting Point of View.” The way it works is that any time you notice a point of view that you have, say, “Interesting point of view, I have that point of view.” Say it 3 – 10 times until that idea becomes nothing more than interesting; not an actual fact.

2. My Partner Should Be Significant

Perhaps you’ve heard the term significant other. It’s how lovers often refer to each other. Do you notice how heavy that is? How much of ourselves do we have to give up to make someone significant? And, how devastating does a breakup have to be if they are significant?

What if, rather than seeing your partner as your significant other, you invited them to be your enjoyable other? Someone you could play with, create with and have fun with for as long as it was enjoyable to both of you.

3. A Relationship is Supposed to Last Forever

Says who? How many relationships do you know that last forever? How many relationships do you know that have lasted for a long time that are actually happy and fun? What if it’s simply not true that a relationship is supposed to last forever? Again, what if it’s just a choice?

When we take on the points of view that we must be in a relationship, that our partner must be highly significant to us and that our relationship should last forever, it’s not difficult to see why breakups are filled with drama and trauma. If you were willing to use the tool, “Interesting point of view” to shift all of these points of view, a new possibility is available.

Without the significance of relationship, but rather the joy of it, without the wrongness of you in relationship, but rather the honouring of you, without the conclusions of how long it should last, but rather the allowance for whatever shows up, when it’s time for a relationship to end, it can be filled with ease.

You know when something isn’t working for you and your partner knows too. And, what if, when it’s time for a relationship to end you could say, “Thank you so much for being with me. Thank you so much for the number of years that we’ve been together. Can we open a bottle of champagne and let’s create a life and living that we would love even if it’s not together?”

I wonder, if you chose to celebrate the time when you actually decided not to be with someone anymore, if you chose to simply say “Thank you and I wish for you to have everything that you can possibly be,” just how much more joy, ease and greater possibilities there would be?

Open that bottle of champagne. Choose celebration and gratitude and let the new possibilities begin!

For more resources on relationships, you may enjoy the book, Divorceless Relationships, by Gary Douglas & Dr. Dain Heer or a 6 Part Telecall – ‘Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?’ with Simone Milasas & Brendon Watt.

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