Are you engaging in a great disappearing act? Do you keep yourself small or invisible? Have you decided that that is the best way to keep you “safe” or perhaps that you don’t really have anything to contribute to the world? Well, please – cut that out!!! What if you were actually the gift that the world required? What if you have something to contribute to the world that no one else can contribute? YOU DO!
I know many of us have a pull to disappear, often because we have been given very inaccurate information about ourselves by the people, churches, schools and cultures we’ve been involved in.
People choose to disappear for many reasons, but generally it involves a great sense of wrongness, being contracted and being overwhelmed, and having such a low opinion of ourselves that we’re afraid to be seen. All of these lead to the conclusion that it’s not a good thing to be totally aware. Does any of this sound familiar? What if all of the reasons for disappearing were actually lies? What if you were far greater than you’ve ever imagined, but you so don’t fit into this reality that you’ve come to the conclusion that being different is wrong? It’s all kind of inside out and upside down isn’t it?
Many people are very creative about how they choose to disappear.
Of course there is alcohol. Most of us enjoy a glass here or there, but it can be used to completely numb out and not be present. But there are many other ways that are more socially acceptable. We can disappear into a role like being the “good” girl or boy or mother or teacher or community leader. We can disappear into what Access Consciousness calls the Distractor Implants. (These are put into us by our parents, teachers etc. to insure that we never show up as who we are.) Many of the common ones we use to hide ourselves are: anger, rage, hate, blame, shame, regret and guilt. We can disappear into relationships; we can disappear into churches, cults and religions or any “good” cause. We can disappear into other people’s universes. We can disappear into depression and other forms of “mental illness”. We can even disappear into helping others, and being superior! You can see the possibilities are endless!
This is not to say that every time we are acting as a mom or that we are angry we are disappearing. Any and everything can be done with awareness. It’s really about the energy and the “reasons” involved. When we disappear into something, regardless of what it is, there is a kind of “down the rabbit hole” sense to it. We play the role or engage in the feeling or activity to not have to exist for some period of time. Being present and being aware just feels too painful for many.
So what does it take to allow ourselves to become more present as us?
One of the most important factors is to begin to dismantle the lie of being wrong. What if you weren’t wrong? What if you had never done anything wrong in your whole life? If you are involved with or learning about Access Consciousness, than there’s a good chance you are a seeker – someone who knows on some level that there is more, that more is possible. And…you are correct! There not only is more, much of that more is you! When you don’t think or act like others they will often make you wrong. If you can begin to see that it’s their arbitrary judgment of you being wrong that you are buying and have bought as true, you can begin to come out of it. There are two Access Consciousness tools that can be very useful in this process. The first is: Who does this belong to? Have you ever noticed how psychic you are? Not as in reading tea leaves but in terms of picking up other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions? What if much of what was going on in your head and heart wasn’t even yours? If you are experiencing being sad, or anything else, you can ask: Who does this belong to? And if the energy lightens up at all, it’s not yours!!!! Once you recognize that, just say “Return to sender with consciousness attached” and the universe will take care of the rest. You don’t even have to know who or where it came from. Another great tool is: Interesting point of view I have this point of view. You can say this whenever you find yourself going to the wrongness of you or judging you in any way. “Interesting point of view I’m making myself wrong here.” “Interesting point of view I’m judging myself again!” Interesting point of view is not about getting rid of your point of view, it’s about creating the distance that allows you to see that your point of view is just an arbitrary point of view – it has no basis in reality.
Coming out of any belief in the wrongness of you will create a space where being present can begin to be joyful rather than scary or painful. As you come out of the wrongness of you find you are not pulled to disappear as much. As you being to see that you’re not so wrong, it’s helpful to ask the question: “What’s right about me I’m not getting?” Remember – you are not nearly as screwed up as you think you are!!
One of the great things about coming out of the wrongness of you is that you can begin to see that you can know what’s true for you. Most of us learned from an early age that we were not supposed to “know”. It was “wrong” to acknowledge that what came out of people’s mouths was at odds with what was going on in their heads or with what they were doing. It was “wrong” to know more than the teacher about anything. It was “wrong” to say things like: “Uncle John feels yucky” or “Our neighbor is always drinking and he falls a lot”.
Most of this reality functions on lies and implants. As long as we believe we have to function by it’s unspoken rules, we cannot be us! Please allow yourself to begin to know what’s true for you in any given situation, even if it doesn’t match “the facts”. Have you ever known that you needed to go to a certain place or get off the highway before your exit only to find out later that you got just the information you needed or avoided an accident or a traffic snarl? That’s functioning from knowing what you know. It’s helpful in any given situation to ask: What to I know about this? What can I be aware of here that I haven’t allowed myself to be aware of?
As you being to come out of the wrongness of you, and allow yourself to know what you know, you may get a very happy surprise! You don’t have to disappear any more! And not only that, but your life is working in ways that it’s never worked before! Disappearing reinforces the idea that we can’t handle things, that we are incompetent and that we can’t know what we know. That makes sense when you realize that when you disappear you are not present to what is. How could you possibly handle it??!!
When you allow yourself to be seen and show up as you, you are giving a gift to the world. You are unique and you have something to contribute to the world and to consciousness. What if you didn’t allow yourself to disappear any more? What if you were present experiencing the joy that you actually be, and creating what was fun and expansive for you? Might that change things just a bit? Not only for you but for everyone you come in contact with? Hiding your light is never a contribution; being you always is!