by Access Consciousness

Have you ever judged yourself as a failure because you couldn’t make a relationship work? What if you just lacked accurate information and the practical tools to create the relationship you desired? Most of us were never given the skill set to create a great relationship, probably because there was no one around who actually knew how to create one!

Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says: “A relationship should be something that occurs because when you have that person in your life, it adds to your life. That person should be someone who will honor you to be who you are.” In a great relationship, “neither of you is held back by the other and both of you are promoted as the individuals you are for a greater possibility.”

Note that a relationship isn’t about finding someone who will complete you or someone who will be a project for you. It’s about adding to your life without the need for anyone to change who they are.

Access has many tools and tips that you can use to create the kind of relationship that you know should be possible, but haven’t been able to achieve.

Here are eight tips for when you are considering beginning to create a relationship.

1. Give up the idea of there being an “opposite” sex, and go instead for the other sex.

When we use a word like “opposite”, we have to go into an us or them kind of mentality. It’s like a football game; you identify and cheer for one team and boo the other. Can you see how that might create difficulties in a relationship? When you think of men or women as the other sex, you don’t have to make them the enemy.

There is another way this tip is helpful. As an infinite being, we’ve all been and done everything. That means each of us has been a man and a woman, and we still carry characteristics of both. If you have judgments of “the opposite sex”, you will have to apply those judgments to yourself or your partner when they are displaying the characteristics you associate with that sex.

2. Don’t look for a prince charming to save you, or a princess to find you perfect and be at your beck and call.

When we are looking for a fantasy figure, we can’t see or appreciate potential mates for who they are. Not only that, but if you project your fantasy onto a new mate, you are insuring disaster. Being willing to have another in your life, and to appreciate them for who they actually are, is crucial to creating a successful relationship

3. Speaking of creating – know that you create a relationship, it doesn’t just happen.

Most of us get into relationships, then sit back with the expectation that that’s all we need to do. We think of relationships as something that should “just happen”. This is another fantasy. Relationships need to be created on a daily basis. If you will destroy and uncreate your relationship every day, you will create a space where you can create the kind of relationship you truly desire.

4. Don’t let other’s ideas about relationships dictate what you choose.

Have you bought other people’s points of view that a relationship should look a certain way? Have you bought into ideas that “love” means you are “joined at the hip and share everything”? Maybe you’ve adopted the belief that all good relationships end in marriage and monogamy. Would you be willing to create a relationship that is different from anyone else’s? There is no right or wrong way a relationship should look, only a way that works or doesn’t work for you. If you will be clear from the beginning about the kind of relationship you would like to create, you have a much better chance of success.

5. Get clear on the kind of partner you would like.

It can be very helpful to make a list of what characteristics you would like in a partner, as well as a list of what doesn’t work for you. This doesn’t guarantee success, but it is a helpful element. One thing the lists can do, is to prevent you from being blindsided. The idea that “love conquers all” is absurd. It’s not going to get an alcoholic to quit drinking, or a depressed person to be happy.

6. Look for vibrational compatibility.

We can meet a person who seems to fulfill or lists, yet not feel comfortable with them. Vibrational compatibility is an energetic quality where it’s easy to be with the other person; there is a sense of peace and possibility. This is not something you can quantify, but you’ll know it if you are willing to be aware of it.

7. Don’t look for someone to be your everything.

No one can or should even try to be everything that another person needs. Many people make the mistake of creating a kind of cocoon around them and their partner, creating a tiny insular world that rarely lasts long. You can each contribute to each other without trying to be everything to each other. This encourages the relationship to include others and expand in creative ways.

8. Don’t look for someone to agree with you on everything.

If you are honoring yourself and the other, then there will be instances where you and your partner have different points of view. If you think that signals some kind of failure of the relationship or of your partner, you will begin to twist yourself or ask them to twist themselves into something they are not. If you are willing to agree to disagree, you can avoid lots of unnecessary trauma/drama.

This is just the beginning of the journey of creating a great relationship. However, if you are willing to use these tips and this different way of approaching relationships, you’re on your way to a great start!