What’s a Pez Junior? No, it’s not a little rectangular piece of candy that pops out of a plastic cartoon character’s mouth when you tilt its head back.
It’s an acronym created by Dr. Dain Heer.
There’s a little poetic license in the spelling of it. It should actually be PESJR, but then you might not have gotten the joke about the Pez dispenser. PESJR stands for Projections, Expectations, Separations, Judgments, and Rejections. They’re as common as those little rectangular candies with the raised edges used to be, and as destructive to your success in creating your life as those candies could be to your teeth.
Why are five words required to describe this phenomenon? Each of the words has a slightly different meaning.
Projections refer to when we experience something but attribute it to someone else. For example, if you love to travel and you are sure your partner does also, whether you’ve asked him/her or not.
The dictionary has a number of definitions, several of which refer to this process. They include “estimate or forecast of future situation based on the present;” “presentation of an image on a screen;” “presentation of something in a certain way,” such as the legal profession’s projection of itself as altruistic; a “mental image viewed as reality;” and the “unconscious transfer of one’s own desires and emotions onto another person.”
Wow! Reading these is just another illustration of Gary Douglas’s brilliance in the words he uses. Is there anyone alive who has not done all of the above and more in at least one relationship?
Who has not predicted the future of a relationship based on something that’s happening in the present? For example, “now that we’re having sex I’m sure we’re going to get married.” Sounds ridiculous when used as an illustration of projection, does it not? But isn’t it the way many people, even today, really think?
How about, “He showed up and he’s a man who’s interested in me so now he will give me everything I’ve been looking for that I expect from a man.” Is there a big difference between that and Clark Gable on the screen?
How often have you “put your best foot forward” in dating, to try to entice someone into creating the relationship you desire? Isn’t being anything other than who you really are the projection of a certain image, just like in the legal profession? And as truthful?
Did you ever form an impression of someone, only to have it blasted away by who they really turned out to be? Wouldn’t that be a mental image viewed as reality?
And then there’s “unconscious transfer of one’s own desires and emotions onto another person.” How about, “I want a relationship so I’m sure he wants one, too?” Or, “I’m pregnant and the relationship isn’t going so great but I’m sure it will all work out?”
Expectations is what we expect will happen. According to the dictionary, it includes what we “regard as likely to happen,” what we “regard someone is likely to do,” what we “believe will happen,” what we look for as “something that is rightfully due in the circumstances,” and something that is “required to be fulfilled as an obligation.”
A classic example of the expectations in relationship would be, “He took me to dinner so now I owe him sex.” Both sexes are regarding something as likely to happen, someone likely to do something, believing what will happen, considering sex and rightfully due in the circumstances of the dinner, and required to be fulfilled as an obligation.”
Has anyone ever done judgment in a relationship? Hint: if you have the point of view that “men are….” or “women are…..” there’s a pretty good chance there’s a judgment lurking in there somewhere, probably not even hidden too deep!
Judgments are pretty much any fixed point of view and any conviction that anything has to be anything. In other words, anything that’s not a question is most likely a conclusion and a judgment. The way out of judgment is that Access tool known as the famous Russian, JUSTIN IPOV: Everything Is Just An Interesting Point Of View.
Rejections means to dismiss or refuse something. Do you ever dismiss or discount the other person’s point of view? It happens all the time in classes. When someone does it to Gary, he asks, “Are we married?” It’s a comment on the behavior of the person in front of him, but also on the status of relationships generally. How absurd is it that we choose someone to spend time or our lives with, and then we discount their points of view quicker than anyone’s?
If you could use logic to unravel the problems of relationship, you would have handled them long ago and you would probably not be bothering to read this article. There just could be a few PESJRs in the way.
Fortunately, you don’t have to figure them out. You can just ask for them all, and ask for them all to be destroyed. You can throw in the Access clearing statement if you know it and would like extra oomph to getting rid of them.
Try it now. Think of a relationship that’s not going as smoothly as you would like. How many projections, expectations, separations, judgments, and rejections do you have regarding this person? Will you destroy and uncreate them all right now? Thank you! Doesn’t that feel lighter?
Take relationships, for example. PESJRs are a major killer of relationships; in fact, it’s hard to think of anything that kills relationships that isn’t a PESJR in one form or another.
Whatever you do, don’t use this on every relationship you have, including with yourself. You might start to see who’s really turning up in your life. Would you be willing to be pleasantly surprised?
Our PESJRs destroy anything they touch, because they keep us in our heads and unable to perceive what actually is. It’s hard to think of an area of our lives that they do not touch.
You can read more about PESJR’s on Gary Douglas’s blog by clicking HERE.
Gary will also be facilitating a 3 part Telecall on Projections, Expecations, Separations, Judgments and Rejections starting July 21, 2015.