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Intimacy

What if Sex Didn't Mean Anything More than a Game of Frisbee?

January 28, 2011

What if sex didn’t mean anything?frisbee

How could the subject that sets people a twittering and guffawing faster than any other not mean anything?

It all depends on what you mean by meaning, according to Gary Douglas, best selling author and founder of Access Consciousness.

“Whenever something means something to us,” he observes, “we give it significance. Whenever you give something significance, you will never be able to create clarity in that area.” Significance, as Douglas defines it, means making something greater and more important than the infiniteness and consciousness that we are. Lack of clarity on the subject of sex seems abundant, as does the significance, importance and meaning we place on the act of copulation and everything associated with it.

Far from making sex less fun, taking the significance out of sex would actually mean putting a lot more joy and playfulness in it, say Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer, his business partner and co-author of Sex Is Not A Four Letter Word But Relationships Often Times Is.

As sex is usually done here, Douglas and Heer say, it always means something. Douglas has distilled this meaning into something he calls the 1-2-3 rule. “The first time you have sex, it’s for fun; the second time, you’re in relationship; the third time, it’s for marriage.” Whether this rule surfaces into your consciousness for even a second, this rule governs your behavior and expectations. It’s a succinct illustration of how we attribute meaning to sex.

What would sex look like if it had no meaning? For one thing, there would be no relationship expectations attached to it. Having sex could be as casual and non-entangling as a casual game of Frisbee-and with no greater expectations of a phone call in the morning.

Sex without significance would be sex without trauma and drama. What if instead of being something meaningful, sex were like a game of Frisbee? How much anger from unmet expectations do you have in a game of Frisbee? Sex without significance would be sex without judgment. Do you care how well you perform in a game of Frisbee? If things go wildly differently than you expect, everyone laughs and it’s part of the game. What would it be like if sex were like that?

Sex without significance would be sex without caring if you played Frisbee with that particular person or group ever again. Don’t you have full confidence that you could always find somebody to play Frisbee with if that’s what you really most desired to do at any given time? And if the people you played Frisbee with yesterday play with someone else today, is that a problem for you?

We can play Frisbee for the fun of it and for no other reason. When we can have sex for the fun of it and for no other reason, we may be getting close to a place where we place no significance on sex.

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Joy Lewell

Feb 8, 2011

Loved the article and the sharing of this possibility, makes sense to me.
I live in NZ, Auckland.
– is there anyone here running these workshops, Fun Sex! fabulous relationships

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Helena

Feb 16, 2011

Why would one want to have sex without significance? If sex is like frisbee, why not play frisbee instead? If sex has no meaning then why do it?

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Eileen

Dec 20, 2011

Sex is an energy exchange….I guess just like playing Frisbee is. Interesting analogy…
Insignificant? I would consider healthy sex more a healthy unattachment to any outcome…just like life. I feel there’s a difference. I would hardly call mindblowing, energetic orgasmic sex – insignificant…just like I wouldn’t consider a sunrise or the stars at night insignificant! They all deeply stir the soul in a wonderful way…but not a co-dependant way! And yes, laughter, fun, chatting – all part of a great sexual experience! Healthy’ sexercise’ is a staple in a happy, joyful life! And no, it doesn’t have to be as ‘serious’ as most people make it out to be! In Joy and have FUN! 😉

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Alandra

Dec 22, 2011

I can totally feel into what is being shared here & have to agree. Now having that resonate with me & practicing it, may take a little conscious effort, because I am human. An analogy that came to me was, when I get together with a girfriend or guy friend & we connect at heart level, I usually walk away feeling empowered, & I hope the same goes of the other person, so in my perspective sex would be the same, if we can connect at heart level it can be quite empowering, but do I expect to recreate it with that person all the time? No, just like sharing with a friend, I walk away with gratitude, but I don’t expect to recreate that experience every time I connect with that person.
I believe we’re here to ENJOY life & that means sex as well, it’s only the expectations we put on SEX that get in the way of enjoyment.

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Eva-Lisa

Apr 24, 2012

Just talking for myself, but I don’t orgasm a lot playing frisbee.

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